I'm not mad...I'm just disappointed.

So, I broke the silence - heres the email

Hello. So I see you followed your dreams right to Denver. Ill leave my comments on that out for now since I am halfway across the planet. I want you to know it took quite a bit for me to message you, because my first few months here I had a lot of time to think about everything. I am glad you arent in Eugene. Come on, we both knew that Eugene was not the place for you. Although I will never come to terms with your actions and philosophical views on life... after the fact.. (because I was with you every step of the way post-meltdown) I still think of the things we experienced as a positive. I feel like I lead a deeper and better life to this day because of the time we shared. I strongly doubt our eventual reconciliation, as I can honestly say to this day I can never trust the way you would want, but, I do miss you. And as I have gained friendships, however strong they may be, lack, because you arent involved...maybe you are, in certain ways...but not like I thought, not like I would want it. I wonder sometimes, at night, if you ever think of me. Although, those nights have been few and far between as time goes by. When we finally parted ways, around what, thanksgiving, 2007, via email...its been a constant battle for me to build on the positive of those days. Sometimes, I wonder if it will ever be as good again, for me. Sure, I'll see the world, I will be just as educated as you, maybe not as gracefully, but I will have a masters just two years after you, but I am taking a path none ever would have though of me, and I did it my way, without compromise. I still listen to Dave, Eddie, Glen...I am sure by now you have heard disappointed. Makes me think of you every time. I remember one of the last things you said to me, that you had been crying, over our conversation the previous day...makes me a bit disappointed. I wrote a blog about you, saying I would never write something about you or to you again, but then I realized, everyday I breath and live the way I do, is because of you. Love you doll. Youll be with me forever and most of all, I forgive you. As hard as it is, for whatever it means for you. I'm sorry its taken this long. Much love from Asia.

Tom.